The day before the 250th birthday
Confession time: I had a drink today.
For those of you who do not know, I quit drinking almost 14 months ago. Cold turkey. One morning I woke up, and something happened that made me decide: it is time. I cannot do this anymore. And I didn't. Except for communion wine.
It wasn't easy, believe me. But I didn't want to go to AA meetings or any other support group. I wanted to do it on my own. It felt really good to be without it. I could still go to the dive bar, and drink non-alcoholic beers while my buddies drank wine, and various varieties of beer, and tequila to kill ya among other spirits. And it wasn't easy. But I did it.
Today though, I wanted a drink. A multi-round wrestling match was going on in my head. Should I or shouldn't I? Why did I want it? There were and are plenty of reasons not to partake. I was going to give myself a headache before I even got to the bar. As I got closer to my destination, my thinking was, fuck it. The fear has been that if I ever had another drink, it would not be my last, and I wouldn't quit again. I refused to give into that fear. The voice within also convinced me that I was not going to feel a damn bit guilty about it.
I walked into the bar. "Naveeda!" Everyone who sat at the bar called out, almost in a domino or echo effect.
"Hello, hello, hello, and yes, that is my name!"
Standing between two buddies in their tall chairs, I addressed the bartender who had set a can of non-alcoholic kolsch before me, "I've thought about this long and hard, and I am among friends. Could I please have a shot of Jameson? I feel like today warrants it."
One of the barflys waved her hands in the air, "You go girl! You've only been dreaming about it."
It's true. More than once. Not even a waking dream. It did wake me up though, right at the point before "transgression."
The bartender poured a shot. As I took a sip and placed the glass on the bar, another regular who usually requests a shot of Fireball mistakenly thought my drink was for one of our friends, and was surprised, given none of us have ever seen him with one. When she found out it was mine, and that it was my first in over a year, she wanted us to raise our glasses to something.
"To the death of democracy!" I exclaimed to the soft, ringing sound of two tumblers clinking against one another. She smiled, but it was more like an uncomfortable smirk as if she would have much rather drank to something else.
The evening continued. Few people talked briefly about the big bloody ugly bill, but most of them had work stresses, and Jeopardy was on.
. . . . .
The Washington Post still has "Democracy dies in darkness" printed beneath the title. Funny that Jeff Bezos chose to keep that.
Democracy died in daylight this afternoon. If what we've had can be rightly called one. I know, you might think I'm being too cynical. I feel like this moment, this horrendous moment that Republicans (or most of them) are celebrating tonight, this has been in the making for years. And now we have a dictator who is into ending separations namely the independence of the judiciary and legislature, and the separation of church and state. A dictator who wants to finalize transforming this nation into a police state by cutting Medicaid to shreds, as well as SNAP. They've all but destroyed the safety net for millions of Americans.
An executive and majority in the legislature who don't give a fuck about what comprises a large chunk of their voting base. And that same chunk will brook no criticism of their dear leader who bolsters white supremacy.
And don't get me started on the Democrats in power. They would rather badmouth Zohran Mamdani than face the reality that their party needs major restructuring.
. . . . .
When I took that first sip of Jameson, after a few dry seasons, I didn't feel the same way I did when I consumed it before. It's one of my favorite Irish whiskeys but earlier tonight, it did absolutely nothing for me, or to me.
And as I mentioned before, a few months ago, the next time I drink alcohol will be at my living wake.
Unless . . .
. . . .
I left the bar, because all the noise was beginning to get to me. Moving slowly to the bus stop, I noticed the colors in the sky. I have not been paying enough attention to sunsets, and was glad to have taken this photo before the bus arrived. And dusk.
